Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
