i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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