I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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