remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
