if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
