If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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