thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize