why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
