So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
