If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
