K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
