Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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