the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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