Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was so not down for the gang bang
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
