i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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