im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
