we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
