Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
