they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize