I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sex in a hospital.. check
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
