Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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