this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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