Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
