the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
