Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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