WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize