girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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