well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Randomize
