Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize