The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
