Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize