I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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