I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize