Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
