If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
