I want to have your abortion
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
