That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
