This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
