I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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