I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
