can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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