I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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