the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
