i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize