I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
