would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
