woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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