i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
