I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
