Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
