when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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