Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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