you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
