I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
