you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize