he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
