The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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