I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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