We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
