There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
