Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
