the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
