Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
