I puked a lego.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
