I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
