Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
