Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
